Use “me” instead of “you”
As you already know, communication is the key to a healthy and happy relationship, which means that it’s very important to talk about your feelings and various situations with your partner, but you have to relate to yourself when you describe your emotions, no matter the context. In other words, you should use more “I” rather than “you”, for instance, try to say “this is how I feel” instead of “this is how you made me feel”.
“Leading with the word ‘you’ nearly instantly creates a defensive posture in your partner who goes into a strategy to defend themselves the minute you stop talking,” said psychologist Deborah E. Dyer, Ph.D.
To be more specific, if you say “you” when you express your negative feelings, your partner will think that you are blaming or criticizing them for something and it could lead to a fight. Consequently, instead of listening to you and understanding you or trying to fix the problem, they will start arguing to defend themselves.
It’s all about communication and how you explain some things, so we have to admit that sometimes it’s quite difficult to express our feelings in an entirely objective manner, but if you want to improve your relationship, you have to make an effort. It’s not that easy, of course, but by doing so, you will be happier in the long run.
Talk about your feelings
According to experts, people who are in a relationship tend to talk more about future plans, what’s for dinner and what to buy from grocery stores than to talk about their feelings. As we said before, it’s quite difficult to talk about your feelings whether you are a man or a woman, but expressing your feelings can help you improve your relationship.
Many couples rely on the principle of deeds when it comes to showing their feelings, namely that love must be proved with deeds, not words, and this is partly true. In other words, it is very important to show and prove that you love your partner, but words are just as important in this case, especially because they help your partner better understand your feelings and make him or her feel safe.
So, try to schedule a day for talking openly about how you feel about each other and determine what you should improve from now on.
